Wallwater Electric High School “Youth Response” Assessment for Students Soon to Graduate
Please answer out the following questions using CLEAR AND LEGIBLE handwriting.
1. Your full name:
2. Describe your household- how many live there, what condition is it in, etc.
The Marconi household is generally home to eight people at a given time, and reliably smells of fresh bread.
3. Have you done well academically at W.E.H.S.?
Oh, I suppose you might say that I have.
3b. If your answer was “NO,” how could you have done better?
My answer was not “No,” contrary to your expectations!
4. What classes did you particularly enjoy?
People really like asking this type of question. I don’t have a preference mostly, although I could do without arithmetic.
5. What sort of EXTRA-CURRICULAR, SCHOOL ORGANIZATION activities have you participated in?
Well, you see, the clubs I joined, they weren’t usually that good. I mean, you always get at least one kid that is so thrilled about the club, a little too excited, that it takes away from everyone else’s ability to enjoy it. And then you get the ones that don’t really want to be there, and they make everyone else feel like a jackass. So for anyone who falls in the belly of the bell curve it’s too much of a struggle to be worthwhile.
6. What are your hobbies outside of school?
Watching pictures, going gallavanting with friends, writing stories I’ll never publish.
8. ETHICS & MORALS. If you found ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS on the sidewalk, what would you do?
What happened to question seven??? HMMM?? Well, if I found a hundred dollars, I would think someone was playing a trick on me, and as such I would be on the lookout. If I established that no trick was being played, I would take only half of it and would therefore be only half guilty for not giving it to the cops.
9. AMBITIONS & ASPIRATIONS. What do you intend to do after graduating? CONSIDER Young men, will you be able to FINANCIALLY SUPPORT A FAMILY?
See, I’d like to work at some newspaper, but have you ever met a reporter? You probably haven’t, because they live in caves and only come out to gather berries and write things about people. And do people ever hate reporters!! Oof, they’re the lawyers of the writing world, I tell you. And I just don’t know whether these are things that I, as a modest man of modest constitution, would be able to handle.
10. PRIDE & APPEARANCES. We remind students that they represent Wallwater Electric High School, as well as the town of Wallwater, even when outside of school. With this in mind, what would you consider to be your best feature? (POSTURE, DRESS, HYGIENE, ETC.)
This is a strange question I think, you ought to take it out before you print more copies next year. Well, I suppose my best feature out of the examples provided would be my et cetera, many people in my life have complimented me on my prolific and distinguished et cetera.
11. What skills do you possess that are likely to help you in the future?
I am good at noticing that you skipped not only question seven but QUESTION TWELVE AS WELL. I get the idea that this whole thing is a big joke and that no one actually reads it. If someone actually reads this, breasts. Intercouse, panties, titfinger. If someone actually reads this I hope you have a nightmare tonight.
13. Share an interesting fact about yourself.
I once saved a building from a burning baby.
14. YOU HAVE NEARLY COMPLETED THE QUESTIONNAIRE. What is your most cherished memory from your time spent at Wallwater High School?
I built a miniature house during woodshop and it got put on display. One day it disappeared and I assumed someone had destroyed it. Then it reappeared with all of these little tiny pieces of furniture and little people inside. It was sweet, I never found out who did it though.